


Home Is Where The Heart Is

by maximalist



Category: IZONE (Band)
Genre: (Sort of) College/Uni AU, F/F, Lots of growing pains, Platonic Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2020-04-07 19:18:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19091416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maximalist/pseuds/maximalist
Summary: For as long as Wonyoung could remember, the world started and ended with her and Yujin.Their other friends used to joke that it would take an act of God to separate them.Actually, all it took was university.





	Home Is Where The Heart Is

**Author's Note:**

  * For [midheaven](https://archiveofourown.org/users/midheaven/gifts).



> I hesitated to post this because I felt this was a very personal piece; I wrote it for my friend as my birthday gift to her, and I wasn't sure if I should publish this at all. But, since I do have her blessing, here this is. I was supposed to give myself a week to really work on this but a lot of stuff happened and I got hooked to this game called TheoTown (I have 5 cities now!!), so I ended up cramming this two hours before the clock struck twelve and handed it to her just a few minutes shy of 2 AM.
> 
> Sam, this one's for you. But you now that already, since you read this before everyone else did. Anyhow, like I said in the original doc: sana 'di magsawa ang Starbucks Katipunan sa atin.

For as long as Wonyoung could remember, the world started and ended with her and Yujin.

They grew up in the same neighborhood, walked together to school every single day, joined the same clubs and did the same sports. Whatever, wherever, Yujin was always there with Wonyoung. It was almost impossible to find her without Yujin or vice versa; they were glued to the hip, souls twined like their fingers when they'd walk back home from school, tired but happy. They fit together like puzzle pieces, and Yujin was every bit a part of Wonyoung as Wonyoung is every bit a part of Yujin.

Their other friends used to joke that it would take an act of God to separate them.

Actually, all it took was university.

* * *

It came as a surprise to them too, but a part of Wonyoung felt that there was something kind of inevitable about it. They weren't kids anymore, not really, and they couldn't stick together forever the way they do now. Life— _adult_  life—is far more complicated than that. They each had their own dreams and aspirations, and neither of them could just give those up, not even for the sake of their own friendship. Wonyoung understands that, and yet… and yet it doesn't make this any easier for her.

"Look," Yujin says, squeezing closer to Wonyoung to show her the screen of her laptop where she has Google Maps open, "our universities aren't so far, just a train ride away. We can always visit each other on the weekends. And we're definitely going on Skype dates.” She manages as reassuring a smile as she can. “We’ll be fine. We’ll figure something out.”

“Yeah,” Wonyoung replies weakly, then she tries her best to smile. “Yeah, I know we will. It’s just… I don’t know.” She purses her lips. “I guess it’s just gonna take a lot of getting used to, you know?”

Yujin’s shoulders slump as she sighs, “I know.”

They sit together in silence for a solid minute. When the quiet becomes a little too loud for Wonyoung’s liking, she bumps her shoulder with Yujin’s and jokes, “You sure you’ll be okay without me?”

Yujin rolls her eyes and shoves Wonyoung by her shoulder. “Pretty rich coming from a literal  _baby._ ”

“I might be baby,” Wonyoung counters, “but you and I both know that  _I’m_  the one keeping this friendship afloat. Remember that time you got the brilliant idea to break into that abandoned building just to prove an urban legend, only it  _wasn’t_  abandoned and we could have been charged for trespassing? You wouldn’t last a day without me!”

“I think what matters are the memories we made along the way, don’t you think?”

Wonyoung snorts as she laughs and it makes Yujin laugh too.

“But what about you?” Yujin asks. Although she passes it off as a joke, Wonyoung knows Yujin is sincerely worried for her. “Will  _you_  be fine without me? Sure you won’t be lonely or anything?”

“Of course I’ll be fine,” Wonyoung tries to wave it off, rolling her eyes just to make Yujin know how silly she sounds for asking something like that. Truthfully, she’s not quite sure herself, got no definitive or confident answer. “I mean, I’ll miss you of course, but we have Skype and the weekends to catch up with each other, right? I think I’ll be fine.”

Silence falls upon them again. Wonyoung can’t read Yujin’s mind, but she knows that Yujin must also be worrying her brain tired just thinking about what lies ahead of them. They’re both optimistic people, cheery and bubbly, but that didn’t mean that the unknown—the  _future_ —didn’t scare them sometimes. And,  _man_ , does it frighten Wonyoung right now.

Wonyoung doesn’t want to be without Yujin but she knows that this is a necessary step to take for the both of them in this painful, lovely,  _agonizing_  process of growing up.

After a while, Yujin nestles her head on Wonyoung’s shoulder and Wonyoung rests her cheek against Yujin’s crown. It’s about as much reassurance as they can give each other.

* * *

 Yujin isn’t with them when Wonyoung moves into her dorm.

A part of Wonyoung thinks,  _of course she isn’t: she’s busy moving into her own dorm, settling into her university_ , but even that doesn’t ease any feelings of unease she feels. Something still felt so incredibly wrong, like something (someone) was missing. And someone  _was_ missing: Yujin. It’s not that Wonyoung exactly expected Yujin to travel all the way here with Wonyoung’s parents to help her move in (even though she knows Yujin would more than be glad to do so), but having one of the greatest pillars in her life—her constant of all constants—not here with her at a time like this makes her heart ache a certain way.

Her parents are complete saps, her dad especially, so their goodbyes are watery and maybe a little too over-dramatic because she’s really not  _too_  far from home like they’re making it out to be, but Wonyoung gets teary-eyed herself. She hugs them tight and holds them close, promises she’ll call them often and that she’d take care of herself. “You’ve more than covered that anyway,” Wonyoung laughs wetly, pointing at the two boxes of snacks, ramyun, canned goods and whatever else a college student would need to survive.

Wonyoung’s emotions hit her full force when she realizes that if Yujin were here, she’d have to say her goodbyes to her another time… as if graduation and all the times after that, just before she finally had to move into her dorm, weren’t enough goodbyes for a lifetime.

Once her parents leave, Wonyoung suddenly feels very, very alone.

* * *

College is about as great an adventure as it gets. The first week for Wonyoung is a blur of welcoming seminars and parties, signing up for different organizations, introductory lectures, getting to know her roommates and making new friends. Wonyoung’s having a  _blast_.

The adrenaline of the first week of college and the hype of  _wow, I’m actually a college student now, I’m an ADULT now_  carry Wonyoung throughout the weeks that follow. She knows that freshmen have it the easiest with the least to worry about and enough time to still mess around before they finally had to get their lives together by junior year, but things get pretty busy soon enough. There are deadlines to meet now, uncooperative group mates to deal with. Still, Wonyoung’s having fun and she likes having stuff to do.

Best of all, despite their schedules gradually becoming busier between academic work and extracurricular activities, Wonyoung and Yujin have found time to call each other every night on Skype, so much so that by the end of the second week of college Wonyoung’s roommates were already familiar with Yujin. They still have to do well on their promise to visit each other on the weekend, but at least they’re doing well by  _this_  promise.

“How’d tryouts go?” Wonyoung asks Yujin tonight as she scoops out a spoonful of yogurt from its cup. A week ago Yujin told her she’d signed up for the track and field team and Wonyoung had been more than encouraging. Sports have always been Yujin’s forte, and getting into a university varsity team would be great for her in the long run.

“It went better than I expected, I guess,” Yujin replies, fidgeting with the drawstring of her hoodie. It was her favorite hoodie, worn from how much she wears it and from all the time spent being tossed around in the washing machine.  _It’s from you_ , Yujin explained when Wonyoung asked her why she still wore it so much,  _of course I love it as much as I do._  “I just… I don’t know. There were a lot of other really good ones and I’m just worried that I might not make it, you know? I’d feel bad too if they took me in but not someone else who might possibly be a better candidate.”

“Hey, don’t say that! You’re every bit as worthy as they are,” Wonyoung says to Yujin, pointing her spoon at the screen of her laptop, “and you’ve worked hard your entire life to be a great athlete. You’ve got all the awards to prove it.”

Yujin chews on her lower lip. Then, she says, “Yeah, I know, I know. I just—yeah, you know what? You’re right. Yeah. I don’t know, I’ve just been really nervous about it since I signed up.” She musters a small but appreciative smile. “Thanks, though. I guess all I needed was someone to, I don’t know…  _ground_  me, I suppose.”

Although Wonyoung feels a sharp pang hit her heart, Yujin’s words still bring a smile to her face.  _Yeah, that’s what you do for me too_ , she thinks.  _You keep me grounded; always have._

Suddenly overcome by her emotions, Wonyoung blurts out, “I miss you.”

Yujin, ever quick on her feet, chuckles, “You say that  _every single time_  we call each other,” and more softly adds, “I miss you too, dummy.”

“Says the actual dummy,” Wonyoung mumbles. Her heart feels heavy in her chest and there’s a lump in her throat that she tries to swallow down. Trying to regain her composure, Wonyoung clears her throat and jokes, “So, you haven’t set a lab on fire or anything yet, have you?”

Yujin rolls her eyes as she exclaims, “You have  _no_  trust in me at all!”

The rest of the call is full of laughter and stories of their new shenanigans. They continue to talk well into the night until Wonyoung’s roommates fall asleep one by one and she has to call it a night too. She goes to sleep with a smile on her face and warmth blooming in her chest.

* * *

 Change, it turns out, doesn’t always happen in such a drastic manner. It doesn’t always have a grand entrance and doesn’t come at you screaming at your face. Change, Wonyoung learns, sometimes sneaks up on you, lurking in the shadows until it finally reveals itself and you just won’t know what hit you. Change sometimes takes things slow;  _very_  slow. So slow you don’t even see it moving.

Wonyoung can’t pinpoint the exact moment when things took a turn for her and Yujin, but if she had to, it would probably be some time after Yujin got accepted into the track and field team. Wonyoung was naturally ecstatic for her best friend, maybe even more so than Yujin was for herself, but it wasn’t until a few weeks later that Wonyoung actually began to realize how much time it took from Yujin—from  _them_. Competition season was just around the corner so Yujin had training twice a day, in the morning and in the evening; naturally, Yujin would be too tired to go on their usual hour(-plus-plus)-long Skype calls.

The first few times Yujin had to back out, Wonyoung was understanding; her best friend was exhausted, working herself to death and that was just varsity and not taking her academic work into consideration, so she’d give Yujin enough time to rest. But when it became more frequent, when it became the  _norm_  for them, Wonyoung began to worry. She’s been living with guilt over that ever since she started feeling bad about it. She felt selfish about it, felt like she wasn’t being a good enough best friend. Of course she wants Yujin to succeed and to do well, and she  _has_  been and Wonyoung  _is_  happy for her, but…

There it is. That’s what makes Wonyoung feel so horrible.

She’s happy for Yujin  _but_.

Wonyoung decides she’d rather bury her nose in all of her textbooks and homework and all the papers she needs to get done by the end of this week than dwell on the very real fear she feels deep in her heart that maybe, just maybe, she won’t have a place in Yujin’s life anymore.

* * *

 (Wonyoung lies awake in her bed at god knows what time it is and, terrified, thinks maybe she  _doesn’t_  have a place in Yujin’s life anymore.)

* * *

The first time they do hop on a Skype call after almost two weeks of not seeing each other’s faces, it ends up with them fighting. Wonyoung doesn’t even remember how they got to that point, really, just that everything was going okay until Yujin started talking about varsity, which is nothing out of the ordinary, and then she started talking about her teammates, her new  _friends_ , and something just snapped in Wonyoung.

Okay, so she lied. She  _does_  know how it got to that point.

Maybe it’s just all of her fears catching up to her, or maybe it’s just all of this stress from the past few weeks and in preparation for midterms that’s really driving her up the wall right now, but Wonyoung feels something snap in her;  _hears_  it, even. Something breaks in her and she knows she’s being really childish about it but she can’t help herself. Doesn’t really care.

Suddenly the mood turns sour as they begin fighting about Yujin and her new friends, this new life she’s carved for herself in her university, one that probably doesn’t have enough room for Wonyoung anymore. And Wonyoung bleeds it all out to Yujin, angry and lonely and aching from how much she misses Yujin. Why did it ever have to be this way, anyway? Why did they ever have to choose to go to different universities? Why didn’t Wonyoung talk Yujin out of it, or talk  _herself_  out of it? Why did they ever think this was a good idea?

“You’re being unfair, Wonyoung,” Yujin grits out, chin visibly wobbling from how hard she’s trying to hold back her tears and her own anger. Not that it works, because she’s got tears and snot running down her face anyway. “You’re being so unfair. You don’t—you don’t see me complaining about  _your_  new friends. I don’t ever get mad at you for that, or for anything you choose to do, for that matter. It’s not fair that you’re blaming all of this on  _me_! It’s unfair that you don’t think I’m trying, because I am, okay?”

For the second time that evening, Wonyoung feels something break inside of her and she’s fairly certain this time that it’s her heart. There’s nothing that could possibly hurt her as much as hurting  _Yujin_  hurts her. Yujin, her anchor, her constant.

And she’s just messed up. She’s  _really_  messed up.

Yujin ends the call abruptly, saying maybe it’s best they don’t talk for a while or at least give their emotions enough time to cool down before they talk again, and Wonyoung ends up spending the rest of the evening sobbing into her pillow. Her roommates try to console her but it’s no use.

_What have I done?_

* * *

There was a time Wonyoung believed that the world started and ended with her and Yujin. Now, she’s not so sure anymore.

* * *

Their room is a warzone of reviewers and highlighted powerpoints by midterms week. It’s officially been two weeks and four days since Wonyoung and Yujin’s fight.

Midterms give Wonyoung enough time to just not dwell too much on her fight with Yujin. Still, that doesn’t mean she feels any less horrible. In fact, she’s probably even worse off now with all of this added stress on top. She’s just barely gotten the hang of balancing her extracurriculars with her academic work but now she’s got to worry about making sure the project she’s heading for one of her organizations goes  _perfectly_  while she’s cramming about four lectures’ worth of information into her brain for her exam first thing in the morning tomorrow. In short, it’s really not going so great for her right now. She’s also picked up a bad energy drink reliance from her roommate Gahyeon, who tells her she better wean herself off of it before it becomes a fixture throughout the rest of her college life the way it’s become one for herself.

Wonyoung trudges through midterms like a zombie and emerges on the other side just slightly more alive than she started. The first thing she does is crash for almost a whole day with the lingering hope that when she wakes up, she’ll feel better—not just physically (though she needs that desperately after a week of not-self-care), but emotionally especially. Now that she doesn’t have exams to worry about, she’s gonna go back to replaying her fight with Yujin over and over again in her head.

Unfortunately, she does not wake up feeling any better than she was before she fell asleep. Her body feels better, that’s for sure, but the weight still hasn’t been lifted off of her heart. The fact she woke up from a dream of her and Yujin still back in high school, laughing, happy and most definitely not fighting only contributes to how bad she feels.

“Sleep well?” Gahyeon asks. She’s picking up empty cans of energy drinks off the floor, dumping them into the trashcan.

Wonyoung rubs her gummy eyes and just groans.

“You still bummed about your fight with Yujin?”

Wonyoung purses her lips, thinking if she should talk to Gahyeon about it, then decides to just keep her mouth shut. She doesn’t even really need to say anything. Her silence speaks volumes already.

Gahyeon climbs up to Wonyoung’s bed and sits beside her. Pulling her best unnie voice, she gently asks Wonyoung, “Do you want to talk about it? I think it’d really help. You’ve been really sad about it for like, two weeks now. I think you should really let some of it out.”

“It’s just…” Wonyoung chews on her lip. “I know friends fight and we’ve had our fair share of them ourselves, but this one was just  _bad_ -bad. I’m just worried that I might have really messed up this time… that I might have driven her away for good.”

“How can you be sure you have, though?”

“We haven’t talked since the fight…”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean she’s not your friend anymore.” Gahyeon takes Wonyoung’s hand in hers and reassuringly brushes her thumb over Wonyoung’s as she says, “I’m sure she misses you every bit as much as you miss her, and that this has taken its toll on her too. But that doesn’t mean you can’t fix this. Just talk to her. You guys have been friends since forever, right? What you’ve got is stronger than one tiny bump on the road, yeah?”

Before Wonyoung knows it, she’s throwing herself onto Gahyeon and bawling her eyes out. Gahyeon pats her head consolingly all the while.

* * *

Wonyoung wastes no time on acting on Gahyeon’s advice. Armed with the last box of snacks and ramyun that her parents left her with, she hops on the train to head to Yujin’s university. Yujin had given her the address of the dorm just before they had to part ways and though Wonyoung almost gets lost  _twice_  on her way to that very address, she still makes it there in one piece, arms aching from carrying a box full of food with questionable health benefits.

After climbing four flights of stairs, Wonyoung’s already broken a sweat, slightly breathless from all the walking she’s had to do after crying for almost ten minutes straight. She navigates the busy hallway until she finds herself standing in front of Yujin’s room. She hesitates at first, scared that this won’t end well and worried that maybe Yujin isn’t even here at all and she’d have no way of knowing because she didn’t drop Yujin a text message or anything to notify her she’d be visiting. She works up the courage and finally knocks on the door.

When the door is opened, she comes face to face with Yujin. Suddenly embarrassed, Wonyoung weakly greets, “Hi…”

Yujin blinks once, twice, then gulps before she awkwardly greets back, “Hi. I, uh, didn’t know you were dropping by…”

“I didn’t think about texting you to tell you I’d visit,” Wonyoung admits. Her faces is burning up now, hot enough that you could fry an egg on it. “I… I just really needed to see you.”

Yujin begins to bite down on her lower lip, a giveaway that she was about to get into some real waterworks soon but she’s still trying her best not to. She couldn’t hide that from Wonyoung even if she tried. Gathering herself, she points at the box Wonyoung’s carrying and asks with a sniffle, “What’s that?”

Wonyoung’s sniffling too and her eyes sting from the tears she’s holding back. Her voice cracks a little as she explains, “My parents packed me two boxes full of ramyun and other food and I mean, you know how they are, right?” She chuckles wetly. “They can go a little overboard with these things. There’s just too much food for me to eat here, and ramyun is great until you have way too much of it.”

Yujin laughs, at first disbelieving, and then it becomes more of a half-sob, half-laugh. She shakily says, “Yeah, they”—she clears her throat—“they do go overboard sometimes when it comes to feeding you.”

Wonyoung’s barely keeping it together by the time she says, “Let’s share?”, offering the box to Yujin.

The box is completely forgotten when Yujin throws her arms around Wonyoung’s neck and hugs her, or at least as much as she can with the box between them, and that’s all it takes to send them both crying. Wonyoung can’t really hug Yujin back otherwise she’d risk dropping the rather heavy box on both of their feets so she buries her face in Yujin’s shoulder instead, leaving that spot on her shirt wet where she cries into it. She’s not sure how long they actually stay like that, standing at the door and crying the hardest they’ve both cried in a long time or maybe even ever, but it feels like an eternity before they pull apart and are facing each other again, eyes and noses red from all the crying they just did.

“I’m so sorry,” Wonyoung gasps out, “I’m so,  _so_  sorry, Yujin. I didn’t mean any of those things I said. I didn’t mean to hurt you like that. I didn’t—” She swipes furiously at her tears. “I was just so scared that—that things have changed completely for us and—and I—I just couldn’t bear with it. I know I said I’d be okay, that we’d be okay, but sometimes it’s just hard to deal with.”

“I know,” Yujin says between sobs, “I know, Wonyoung, I know. That you didn’t mean it, that—that this is difficult for both of us. Honestly, one of the reasons why I was nervous and reluctant about joining the team was that I knew what it would do. That slowly it would take more time away from us, and we don’t even have much of that to begin with and—I just—”

“No, oh my god,  _Yujin_ —Yujin, I won’t allow you to throw something as great as this away for  _me_!”

“No, I know! I know that, so that’s why I still gave it a shot, and I’m really happy where I am and I love the team, but…” Yujin’s voice trails off and she looks down. “I just didn’t think things would get like this.” She looks up again, eyes still running like a waterfall, and softly says, “I hate fighting with you.”

“I hate it too,” Wonyoung mumbles back, “and it’s all I’ve been able to think about these past two weeks and I just… I just really miss you. So much.” She gathers herself for a moment and, when she feels like she’s in a better state to talk again, she tells Yujin, “I’m sorry I let this get to us. I know it’s not going to be easy for us but that doesn’t mean I’m not your best friend anymore, and that you aren’t mine. This—this is just a small bump on the road for us,” and she smiles, “and what we’ve got is much stronger than that.

“You’ve always kept me grounded,” Wonyoung continues. “Always have and always will. You’ve been my anchor for as long as I can remember, and I want to keep you in my life forever. And I know it’s really,  _really_  cheesy but if home is where the heart is”—she presses her finger into Yujin’s chest, just below the dip of her collarbones—”then you’re my home, and it doesn’t matter whether we’re five feet apart or five cities apart: you’ll always be that to me.”

Yujin doesn’t say anything at first, too poleaxed by everything Wonyoung’s just said, but eventually she says, “Where you’re pointing at… that’s not where my heart is, dummy.”

And they laugh. Harder than either of them have ever laughed in their entire lives, maybe. They laugh, relieved and in disbelief but there is warmth in it too.

Yujin lightly punches Wonyoung’s arm and says, “You’re so cheesy, you know that? But... “

Wonyoung rolls her eyes. “Come on, just say it. You know you wanna, anyway.”

“Fine,  _fine_. You’re my home too, five feet apart or five cities apart. Home is where the heart is, yeah?” And Yujin beams at Wonyoung.

Wonyoung can’t wipe the smile off her face. Then suddenly, she remembers: “Okay, so I still have six packs of ramyun in this box, maybe you wanna help me out with that?”

Yujin steps aside to let Wonyoung into her room and says, “I can’t believe you even had to  _ask_.”

* * *

They sit by the foot of Yujin’s bed, shoulder to shoulder, as they slurp on their ramyun—Wonyoung is on her second and Yujin is on her third—and Wonyoung thinks, elated and fond,  _Yeah, we’ll be just fine_.


End file.
